I have been standing at a crossroads for quite some time; lost, confused and without a sense of direction. I have been able to see far, far away in the distance, a small glimmer of where I think I need to be; I've heard tell of how wonderful it is there but from where I stood there was no obvious route to take, no instructions of how to get that far, no hope that I might ever get there
Over the years I have tried various routes I thought might get me there, only to meet with dead-ends, immovable obstacles and bottomless pits. I have searched high and low for that handy life map other people seem to have been given, wondering how I could have misplaced something so precious; wondering if I ever was given one
I sat; alone, afraid and desperate; watching years pass by and panicking that I was missing everything. I ran and I ran; but what use is running when you don't know how to get where you want to be? I exhausted myself and almost gave up
And whilst lying there, in the dark shadows of unfulfillment, I heard a little voice from deep inside. A voice from inside my heart. It asked me what I really wanted, what my deepest desires were and what life would feel like if I had these things. It told me to trust it and listen to it and believe in it. And I did
Do you remember this post from the beginning of the year about chosing a word to define your year ahead? I chose Clarity and Purpose:
"And this is why I have chosen Clarity as my word of the year for 2012. It is time to get clear on what my destiny is, make some decisions and take some action. I have been wandering aimlessly for too long and life feels too short to live that way
I also have a feeling that once clarity has done its work, the real changes will happen fast and so I am offering myself a second word to use in its place, when the time is right. That word is Purpose. It's time to live life with purpose and on purpose, but first I need the clarity with which to do that "
I hadn't put a time frame around when Clarity would shift to Purpose but on reflection I realise it happened within the first six months of the year. I made the seemingly impossible decision to start a new life for myself in June and the photo at the top of this post is the one I took to mark the occasion ~ I felt it deserved freshly painted toes and my new frock!
I have done a lot of crying; but they are not tears of fear, or confusion, or helplessness, or despair. They are tears of relief, of sorrow and of letting go. Throughout the last 6 weeks of packing up my life and letting go of something/someone so precious to me I have felt calm and secure in my trust that I'm doing the right thing; it's almost eerie. The chatter of doubt and confusion has been silenced and I feel peaceful at last
And so here I am, finally walking with confidence toward those glimmering lights; a skip in my step and a smile on my face. Those stagnant crossroads feel far behind me now and things are moving so quickly I feel as though I stuck out my thumb and have hitched a ride on a bus marked Destiny!
I know I'm finally on the right path; I know because I have clarity as my map and my heart as my compass
Exciting times ahead! I hope you'll join me